No Pressure

I perform best around people who have already accepted me as a person. What I mean by that is, in a loving or fun environment, I tend to thrive. I have seen this with others too, like the guys who play basketball with me. We always make a joke when someone is having a great game, we ask: “Is your girlfriend here?” Because somehow one always performs best when their girlfriend is around. That is because deep down, we know most of us do our best when people we care about are present.

I think that is because there is no pressure to prove anything. You are not performing for acceptance; you are performing within acceptance. And that changes everything.

When you perform around people who accept you, you do not worry about a subpar performance changing the way they feel about you. You do not feel like your whole identity is riding on that moment. If anything, they will just be more supportive, even give you encouragement, maybe some advice, and tell you how you can improve next time. So naturally, performances in those environments tend to be better.

But when you are performing for people who are not sure about you, or people who, deep down, you know do not accept you or question your abilities, everything just feels different. That performance suddenly holds too much weight. You start trying to earn acceptance through your performance. And that pressure can be crippling, scared to even make a mistake. That fear alone can ruin the entire performance, mess up your rhythm, and lead to a difficult outing.

Another place where this plays out is in dating. The fear of rejection. It is the same principle; we are trying to get validation from someone who has not already given it. You put so much importance on that interaction that you are afraid to even approach it.

Think about asking someone out. That moment carries a risk, because they might not accept you, and that uncertainty is terrifying compared to if you had to ask someone you already know accepts you, No fear, no pressure. But the same question, when directed at someone whose acceptance you are unsure of, suddenly feels life-altering. You could mess up the question. You could still feel rejected even if they respond kindly because you put so much importance into that moment.

That fear we carry so often comes from this same place. So imagine if we could create environments where people feel accepted before the performance, where the performance is not a test of worth. I think you would get consistent, positive results in those environments. Every time.