The Myth

In Plato’s Symposium, there’s an ancient idea about a being that once existed a powerful creature with two heads, four arms, and four legs. It had eyes like tulips, and it roamed the earth as a whole, complete entity. This being was so powerful that it threatened the gods. So, to reduce its strength, the gods decided to split it in half. These two halves then wandered in opposite directions, searching desperately to be reunited, to feel whole again.

That idea that we were once whole and were split apart, destined to search endlessly for our missing half has been drilled into our heads. It’s been presented as if there’s one specific person out there who exists to complete us and make us feel whole again. It’s tied to the idea of "The One" someone who makes us powerful just by being with us.

And when you really think about it, it kind of makes sense. Many of us walk around feeling like there’s something missing. We long for someone who can complete us. You hear this idea all the time in romantic stories and magical tales. When people talk about someone they’re dating or in love with, they say things like, “They complete me.” That narrative comes directly from this belief that this individual exists who can make us whole.

Now, because of that, we’ve built this idea that there’s someone out there who can fill in all the traits or qualities we think we lack. We start to create categories lists, really of what we want in a partner. When you go on dating sites, you’re presented with these preference forms: what kind of person are you looking for? Even in real life, when you meet strangers, you already have this mental checklist of the traits you think would “complete” you.

We’ve heard this over and over "tall, dark, and handsome" the stereotype of attractiveness. It’s funny how so many people are attracted to the same traits, which makes you question the whole idea of “The One.” If we’re all looking for the same thing, do we even understand what “The One” means? Does this person really exist?

I think in certain situations, the idea makes sense. If you’ve ever been with someone who made you feel courageous, safe, seen, accepted, or joyful you might’ve believed in that moment that this person was “The One.” And that’s understandable. But the real question is: can only that one person make you feel like that? Isn’t it possible that someone else could also make you feel that way?

The argument could be made that yes, it’s possible. There are so many people in the world. Statistically, it seems unlikely that just one person is capable of making you feel whole. So then, what does it mean to believe in “The One”? Is it about a soulmate one person in the entire world who can fit perfectly into the gaps of your soul?

In a sense, under certain circumstances, yes it can feel that way. But not all the time. Because what makes you feel whole today isn’t necessarily going to be what you need tomorrow. As we grow and change, our needs shift. The person who once filled a hole in you may no longer do so, because that part of you has evolved.

And that’s where things get complicated.

Let’s say someone fills a gap in you maybe they make you feel accepted. Over time, you grow, and now what you need isn’t just acceptance. You’ve reached a point where you’re missing something else maybe inspiration or passion. And the person who once made you feel whole now doesn’t seem to fill that new void. So you start looking again. You start seeking another person who fills this new hole.

And that becomes a cycle an endless quest to find someone who can constantly adapt to fill whatever is missing in you. The search for “The One” can become an exhausting and harmful experience. Instead of enjoying life and embracing the complexities of human connection, we end up chasing an illusion.

Why do we want this so badly? Why does the world make us feel like we need “The One”?

There are so many reasons social expectations, media portrayals, childhood stories. Romantic comedies and fairytales, especially from the ‘80s and ‘90s, romanticize the idea. I blame Disney, honestly. Stories like Cinderella built this concept into our subconscious the idea that somewhere out there is the perfect person who will fulfill all your needs.

But it’s not helping. Psychologically and emotionally, this belief is damaging. It distorts our understanding of relationships. We start thinking relationships are about someone else fixing us, filling us, or satisfying us endlessly. But real relationships are about so much more.

They’re about growth. They’re about going through phases. They’re about giving back.

If you’re in a relationship, you have to understand that it’s not just about how the other person makes you feel. It’s also about how you contribute to their life. If you reach a point where you can’t add anything meaningful to their journey, you need to re, examine the relationship. Likewise, if your partner can’t contribute to your growth or peace, that’s a signal too.

Sometimes, what we need can’t come from our partner. It might come from therapy, from friends, from creativity. That’s okay. It doesn’t mean your partner is inadequate. It just means they’re human. Which brings us to a better way of thinking throw out the myth of “The One” and build something better: reciprocal, conscious, adaptive relationships.

You need to recognize that you cannot fix someone, and they cannot fix you. Not completely. A relationship should be a partnership one where both people are constantly learning, adapting, and doing the work. It may not always be pleasant. Sometimes it starts with fights or misunderstandings. But if there’s a solid foundation, if there’s a shared future in mind, you push through.

We need to stop seeing ourselves as the only person in the relationship who deserves satisfaction or healing. Your partner has needs too. Their joy, their peace, their journey matters just as much. And when those moments come when one or both of you are struggling that’s not failure. That’s an opportunity to re, examine, re, shape, and maybe even re, define the relationship.

So what does this mean for “The One”? It means maybe the idea isn't as real as we’ve been told. Maybe no one person will make you feel whole forever. And maybe that’s okay. Wholeness can come from many places. It evolves with time.

The idea of “The One” makes it seem like love should be effortless. Like there’s no work involved. But that’s not love that’s fantasy.

Instead, build something real. Something that can bend without breaking. Something that changes with you, and helps both of you grow.